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I, Roomba

By: Liam Hogan

My Roomba keeps telling me about the novel it’s written. It trundles across the kitchen floor, but as soon as I enter it changes course, “accidentally” bumping against my foot.

“Have you read it?” it asks, by modulating the suction and abusing the low battery beep.

I have to admit, I have not. When they announced the latest AI upgrade, this is not what I expected. Roomba huffs in disappointment, and hoovers off.

The reason I, an aspiring author, have yet to read Roomba’s novel is because the last one was so bloody brilliant, I haven’t written a word since.

© 2025. Liam Hogan

Liam Hogan is an award-winning short story writer, with stories in Best of British Science Fiction and Best of British Fantasy (NewCon Press). More at happyendingnotguaranteed.blogspot.co.uk.

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